Hopefully you all can just see the sarcasm dripping off the title of this journal.

Once semester of college is over and I return to Colorado, I don't know how often I will be online. A new 8gb hard drive for my mini laptop costs 94 dollars. I'm fairly certain I have a 16 gb. I am estimating that will cost me about 200 then to replace. No clue when I will have enough money to afford that.

Still unemployed. Still depressed. Highly depressed. I've been wondering if there is any point in moving forward, or if this is how it is meant to end for me. I see the paths I can take to pull myself out of this vile pit of despair I have fallen into, I can see the silver lining but all I can think is "Why bother?"

My entire life, my future plans, everything collapsed within the second or two it took Laura to say "We're terminating your position." my whole... life was altered, changed, by someone who I've never seen before, who shouldn't have any pull in what I do, or how I do it. And yet she had the power to ruin everything. Or maybe. I ruined everything.

I have an aptitude for that. Ruining things.

I've honestly begun hating myself this past week. Moping. Being depressed. Complaining. All of this is temporary. Everything. The fleeting moments of happiness I have temporarily wash away the depression that soaks me, and that depression is only temporary as well.

I've been asking myself lately, pondering, wondering, how much better it might be to be a stoic. Totally apathetic. Would this life be easier if I just cut off my feelings? I wonder if I could...

I don't know if it would be worth it though. But then I think it might be.

Don't listen to me though. These are just the ramblings of a fool. Heart broken, reality shaken, idiotic human being.

Why couldn't I have been born a cat? Life would be so much simpler.